ashverse

There is no one at the end of this road. She had remembered wrong. There was no one waiting for her this time - not even a telephone. The wind rustled endlessly through the spiny trees, and it left her with one conclusion: she should have turned back when she had the chance. She reached into the pocket of her wool skirt, and retrieved her last feather. It almost appeared to glow around the edges in the light of the setting winter sun. It was still as frost-kissed as the day her father had given it to her, which honestly made her stomach turn a little. She remembered its provenance, it was like her, in the wrong place at the wrong time. She gripped it in her gloved hand like a quill, and the it started to turn black, incomprehensible whispers emanating from the nib. The wind picked up into a howl as the wisps of feather grew into an inky embrace, ready to take her to the next world.

She closed her eyes, and thought to herself:

He was right.

It would never have been enough.

Watching someone play through Silksong while having essentially no knowledge of the first game or a single piece of lore besides a couple youtube shorts sure is something. Mostly I just cheer when my friend gets through a hard platforming section or boss. I do love Hornet though. 

I love video games, but video games don't love me lol (bad coordination, slow reflexes, carpal tunnel, memory issues.... video games are hard for me, but it is what it is)

I've definitely had a good time with it though! It's not something I would have gotten into otherwise and it's cool, and while I would never be capable of doing well, I still am capable of recognizing some patterns and strategies and giving actually helpful advice? Like, I have made boss fights possible to beat for my friend multiple times just by pointing out "hey try this" type stuff. I seem to keep making singeplayer games "multiplayer" and it's so fun. I am grateful to the internet for making such things possible with people who live far away. I didn't grow up playing a lot of games or having a sibling who played games or anything, so this sorta thing is a novelty for me. 

Idk, it's probably not that deep or whatever but it's nice to feel helpful even in areas far out of my wheelhouse like a metroidvania.

I want to learn embroidery soooo bad lately, but no idea where to even start.... I don't want to drop $40-$80 I don't have on a kit I'll get frustrated with after five minutes. I really want to be able to embellish my clothes though. At this point I have to settle for anything I can afford that fits, and it means I don't really get to have a style or much personal expression with my clothes at the moment. Part of that is due to chronic pain and fatigue and whatnot, but still. But then I see a video that says "oh never embroider on stretchy material"! That's every shirt I own and most of my pants! I mean I'd start with hoops and whatnot first, not go right into clothes, but since that was my goal that video was disheartening.

I'm alive!

I'm trying Les Mis Letters (mainly a discord/tumblr thing, but it's basically one chapter of Les Mis every day of the year), and trying some more games. I also want to get more into TTRPG stuff but it's all so intimidating and involves every social spoon I have! I don't really know people who are into it so I'm trying a game with strangers later this month. Wish me luck....

I also really want to get into embroidery for some reason, but I need to save money at the moment. Just desperate for distraction I guess!

My only "resolution" for the year is to try more games (ttrpg, video games, card games, board games, etc), so I got Slay the Spire during the winter Steam sale. It's so addicting! My first day having it I played it for 10 straight hours. Is that good? Proooobably not, buuuuut, I need as many things to fill my head up with as possible at the moment.

I think my favorite character in StS to play is The Defect, but The Silent is the only one I have managed a successful run with so far.

Apparently there's a StS co-op boardgame, and I want to play it so bad!

I also am making a foray into Fallen London, if anyone wants to be friends on there let me know. I would definitely help out with Scandal and etc if you will help me back! I am still very early into the game, I don't have any skills to 50 yet. The writing is so good!

My life is quite the disaster now, so I am hoping to bury myself in various things. I may still snap and get some sewing or punch needle or something stuff to fill an "occupying my mind" slot. I don't have any macrame stuff at the moment and it's more bulky. I just feel intimidated to try new things, because of the perfectionism beast I have lurking in the waters of my chronic fatigue.

Hope everyone gets through 2025 relatively unscathed.

This just turned into me rambling about wanting to watch more things I think.

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I was wanting some learning apps I can use on my phone or tablet, given that I am in bed 85% of the time due to my chronic health issues. And I kept seeing app after app after app that was "free with in app purchases", only to download it and for it to actually be a week free trial, and the "in-app purchase", is the subscription to the app. That is not free with in-app purchases. The in-app purchase IS the APP!

Anyway, I am still on the hunt for learning apps for Android, or at the very least learning websites that are mobile friendly. I know about Libby, but I don't have a great way of getting a library card at the moment, for reasons I don't want to get into, hoping to remedy that soon. Also, my brain is really struggling with books anyways, I'm looking for..... not sure what, something that's not books. I found the Khan Academy app, but it seems like a dressed up video archive. Which isn't terrible, but a bit underwhelming. I will probably go back to it at some point.

I think I want something Duolingo adjacent, but not for languages, since I personally don't find Duolingo effective for that for me. Also, I've heard in the last couple of years they've replaced a bunch of stuff with AI and I do not trust AI when it comes to the nuances of translation. But yeah, some sort of learning app/mobile site with little modules that don't require a ton of commitment and are beginner/novice friendly in whatever topic. With where my mental health is at I feel the need to dip my toe in to this stuff, not dive. I feel like all these years chronically stressed and in bed, not only have my muscles atrophied but so has my brain. At least the learning/curiosity part of it. 

It's like that tumblr post, I'm just a tiger that needs enrichment in my enclosure!

YouTube is my main escape, and there's some amazing content on there, but it's so easy to fall into algorithm loops of.... not necessarily "trash" content (though sometimes), but not content that engages the "thinking muscles" that are atrophying. I realize that's my fault, but I think having somewhere to go that is more focused on learning or some specific topic with less temptations towards brain popcorn would help.

I have a fairly broad spectrum of things I'd be willing to learn more about, but I am definitely more of a humanities person. I am interested in learning more about psychology and computer stuff too though. I am interested in learning HTML but I need hand holding of some kind. I used to read constantly as a kid/teen, mainly history/classic novels (mainly for school, yes, but I enjoyed most of them quite a bit, and read some on my own time), and now I can barely get myself to finish reading internet posts, or when it gets bad even 90 second videos.....

Not trying to be "woe is me", just want to see if anybody has any site suggestions or anything! That don't cost money, and can be done from bed. I realize most things these days do have a subscription though. 

Also, it's Fall now, hope everyone has a peaceful Autumn season!

Well I have totally failed at posting every day and following new people every day but in my defense: I am tired.

Just a piece of something that I can't believe is already 5 years old.

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"The Fatigue of Being"
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